Not all memories of the past are good ones. Many of Peter's experiences as a child were horrific in the extreme. Like every poet, he often uses his verse to reflect on these memories and to work through the torment of those years. Intensely personal and , these poems offer a glimpse into the pain and confusion of child abuse. It is our payer that those of you who have experienced this yourself can find some healing in these words...
This dream I dream is from the past
Of my punishment of doing wrong
From the years of my youth in darkness cast
Those many lonely hours long
In my prison I could hear my heart beat
Even through the tears I so often shed
My pounding at the door to be released
My fingers scraped to a bloody red
Then listening to the yelling and screaming
From those people who were supposed to give me love
Yet! through their greed they gave me bad dreams
Like being buried under their feet above
Please let me out of this cold dark gave
That I have been forced to stay in for hours
I’ll do as you say and work my way
For I now know I am your slave under your power.
Words whispered in silence
Motions timelessly made
Walking in various circled dimensions
History’s parchment revered and gave
The redness in the eyes searching in vain
Wanting the cries to end that never perish
To be gathered in my soul and waned
Secrets never ending words that quickly flash
Before my mind and open ears
Visions of my Heritage of years past
By nights dreamed horrified and feared
Now walking upon my level of time
Encircled by passions and desires
Drenched with those secrets of mind
That within my heart and soul inquires
For now I need not to ask
The secrets have been revealed
In glory I absorb nourish and bask
In these promises of life sealed
a letter to mother
Dear Mom, it now makes sixty years.
Since I had lost your beauty to hold.
I was only but a child filled with tears.
From the many stories of untruth told.
I’m sorry I ran away from you at the train.
I never would have had the truth been told.
Through these years the fact of Life in me remains.
That you were more precious than diamonds and gold.
I want to thank you mom for the gift you gave.
That I have inherited through my heart and soul.
From the words you left behind with others.
As you sought shelter from the cold.
Mother each word I write are of your love.
That you were denied on this earth I now abide.
I give you my Praise through our Lord above.
As I traverse this journey with your spirit in me is ALIVE.
cat o' nine tails
With open eyes and endless thoughts
I reflect upon the pain in my back
Asking myself why my mind was wrought
Of the whippings for which I did not ask
Each time I felt the stinging pain
I would think of my mother I did not know
Of the loving kindness of my sister
Who in my dreams protected me from each blow
I asked myself back in younger days
Why was I taken away with such haste?
Then I recalled as my loved ones would say
I was lying in my own waste
So dear Lord the sands of time has past
And the scars of my body have healed
Looking back those fifty years passed
The answers of my crying heart have been revealed.
Nightmare or Reality
I sit and stare through window wide
Asking myself why this is happening to me?
Have my Mom and Dad really died?
Why won’t they let me free?
I miss the last home I was in
Why was I shoved out the door?
When can I have a lasting friend?
Why can’t I have my own cat or dog to adore?
The crying and screaming are scaring me
Why it’s the reflection of my own tears I see
If only the lady would take my hand
To go to another home would be so grand
I guess I’ll go back to sleep
To return to my peaceful dreams deep
Resting again in my mothers arms
As she keeps me away from all these fears and harm
tears of hope
I cry for the children who reach out in vain
For words of endearment they once gained
Were they not little precious bundles of joy?
Now it seems in their presence they annoy
Mothers and Fathers drifting apart
From the solemn vows they pledged of the hearts
Slaps and curses have replaced the caress
From the daily routine of creative stress
We cry for the love to return to these souls
So the future of these children they can nurture and mold
That they may reach out for the enrichments of life
Having pride in themselves by choosing the path that is right
I pray dear Lord that you wipe away the tears
Of these adults and children who have lived in fear
Let the power of your love abide and multiply in their hearts
As this journey free of violence embarks.